I took the clients out
in the company car
for insurance reasons today
to Dairy Queen
and purchased them all dip cones and French fries
with company cash
not my own
for ethical reasons
and when they offered me a fry
I did not accept it
also for ethical reasons
but instead ate only
ketchup and fire sauce with my finger
and they confessed
one by one that their voices were accusing me of hypocrisy
so I initiated a long talk about their trust issues
and they each cried a little
and Jim lost his appetite
so we processed that while the butterscotch shell
wilted off his dip cone
and he cried some more
and called me a hairy little bitch sabotaging his ice cream day
so I refocused him
on his own anxiety
and asked if he wanted to go back to the hospital
and he said
fucking hell
no
I do not
and I said I hear that you're feeling angry
but you'll have to use appropriate social skills and language
or there won't be any more Dairy Queen
and then the clients got very escalated
and asked me just what exactly I was threatening to do
to Dairy Queen
you power-drunk little
overeducated slut
and I put everyone on time-out
to practice their deep breathing
and then everybody's dip cones melted
and the cones got all soggy
and I think April tried to kick me in the shin beneath the table.
By the time time-out was over
the surface of our table was completely decompensated
and Jim was whispering to himself
between deep breaths
and I gently asked if he was responding
to internal stimuli
and he made an obscene gesture with his right hand
and spit in my reservoir of ketchup and fire sauce
and then the Dairy Queen guy saw our table and
asked us to leave.
On the ride back in the company car
the clients asked me
how can we maintain a healthy and goal-directed outlook
on our lives
when the very people who are paid to empower
and advocate for us
allow our dip cones to melt
and make veiled threats against Dairy Queen
and sometimes appear to intentionally make us cry?
and I said
have you noticed those lovely clouds over there
on the horizon all rosy and backlit by the sun?
why don't we all focus on the rosy clouds
and practice our relaxation skills?
and they say, yes, we have
noticed
back in the Dairy Queen
when you made us breathe
and please desist from using the word we
as a transparent and superficial attempt
to transcend the client/counselor relationship and
persuade us to
trust your
bony ass
and I said
what's that like for you
and they said
shut it--okay
hippie?
our voices are telling us you
suck ass
and really need to get laid
and I bracketed my personal feelings and pulled over
and said
you are never going to eat at Dairy Queen again
I swear it on my mother's grave.
And we drove on
in silence.
Hey
they said
since
you are obviously cracking and made an atrocious
breach of professionalism
do you think
today can be
Mexico Day?
and I said
what?
and they said
what?
and I said
what did you just ask me?
and they all started at me in the rearview mirror
and that's when I realized
nobody
said
anything
at all
but April winked
before I flicked my eyes back to the road
and Kelly said
we've got the car
and I said
yeah.
I got the gas card too.
And Jim said
sorry your mom's dead
and I said
that's okay Jim
we all deal with loss throughout our lives
and
he said
don't push it
and we sang a lot of Beatles songs
in Oregon
and Goodbye Ruby Tuesday
728 times in California
and the Dead
on the border
and all the voices joined in
on the harmony
for Bobby and Phil.
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